Weight Loss, Extra Skin & Emotion

I have been doing well with my weight loss. As I go down in size my tummy is shrinking and I can see all the extra skin that has been stretched out from being obese. I have to admit it is discouraging a bit to see all that skin. I do not feel sexy. I feel rather invisible at times when I go out. People tend to look past me at other women who are thinner. It does hurt. I strive to do my best and stay positive. I would love to be able to wear a bikini one day. I do not foresee this anytime soon as I am still ninety pounds overweight.  I wonder how deflated I will look in the end. I have even given thought to a tummy tuck and a new belly button. A girl can dream. My clothing size has been dropping. I am happy about that. The extra saggy skin under my clothes make it not so attractive. I am looking for a good body shaper and girdle as I go.

I do not know if men and women realize how hurtful it is when a person is treated like they are invisible. I dread going in public and showing skin. My arms are flabby and my belly still overlaps. I am trying, really I am. I know I can do better. Emotional support is something I am grateful for with family and friends. I have been using protein powders to help with my weight loss. They have been working great. The last one I tried I unfortunately gave me a severe allergic reaction. My face is still swollen and I broke out everywhere. It was my fault for not checking to see if it contained dairy. Yes, dairy is evil to me like flowers. I love them but they hate me. Story of my life. I have to admit I am feeling down lately. My spine has been hurting terribly. My neck does not want to hold my head up and I find myself laying down more than I want to this past week.

I am visiting family so my scale is at home. That is my daily tool. I love my scale. It helps me understand what my body is going through daily. They say do not weigh yourself daily. I do not follow that suggestion and weigh myself several times a day. Like I said, it is a tool and I am learning how my body works. I am my own test subject. Some people may find it helpful to only weigh in once a week or once a month. Whatever works for you is what I say. Everyone is different. Not being at home has posed its challenges when it comes to diet. I took my protein powder with me. I purchased almond milk and bananas. I make a shake with one banana, few scoops of protein powder and almond milk. If you freeze the banana it comes out like ice cream and is sooo yummy! I like the vanilla protein powder with vanilla unsweetened almond milk the best. That combination has worked for me. I unfortunately busted my blender. I have permanent nerve damage in my body and I often drop things from lack of feeling in my hands. I dropped my blender body and busted it. That was a sad day. (Last week) :O

I am glad my mother has a food processor. I was able to make my shake. I actually introduced my sister to it. (she is perfect weight for her size). Her body was not used to the amount of protein I use. She did get a little overwhelmed by it. I know that my body needs high protein and low carbs to function. I am type two diabetic and my sugar levels are killing me inside out. I find low carb the best. I also have an enlarged aorta. My heart works twice as hard to keep up. This is a result of being injured having spinal procedures then being bed bound along with all the steroids I was given just to walk. I had gained a hundred pounds in no time. I blew up like a balloon. Health issue after health issue arose quickly with the weight gain. It has been a battle for sure. Some days better than others. Trying to be optimistic poses a great challenge for me especially when I can not stand or sit for too long due to physical pain.

I had seen my spine surgeon and told him of my projected weight loss for the future. He was happy to hear that and advised me that my nerve damage is permanent. Just crushed is how I felt. I know I will never have full feeling back again. I have to remind myself it could be much worse. I have to be thankful and stay focused. Now I am looking into going vegan. Yes, me the carnivore who would stick a fork in a cow and call it done will try to give up the yummy BBQ goodness of cow, pig and chicken. Almost makes me want to cry writing it. I want to be more ambitious in my own health gains. I am thankful for the protein powders and the companies that make them as well as sell them. I wonder how tofurky tastes like. Needless to say I will have to get creative with Vegan food. I love vegetables so that is the easiest part. It’s all the butter and salt I want to put on them that makes them bad. I tried tofu with protein shakes. Wasn’t really my thing. Tofu is just soybean. A tasteless substance in a little packet.

I look forward to new recipes. I want to train my body to not desire sugar and salt. I am reading what I can on weight loss,carbs and health. My next topic to look up is emotional reactions to our bodies diversities. I want to better understand what I am going through emotionally. I have been an emotional eater for so long it has taken me a year to break the habit. I do sometimes fail and just shove my face with sweets and peanut butter. I try to use dark chocolate to make the failure of not controlling myself less damaging. If anyone has any recipes on Vegan foods that are high in protein I am beyond interested and welcome them. Thank you for listening to me. I hope one day that someone who is going through something like this can see it is o.k. to be discouraged and feel sad. We are humans, this is our nature. There is a positive end result. Do not give up. Trust me you will feel better knowing no matter how many times life knocked us down we got up and kept on going.

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