Love Me For Who I Am

During the years I have been rejected time and time again by men. Most men could not see past my body fat to even try to get to know me as a person. I can not tell you how many times I was invisible to someone because I just did not meet their standards of physical attraction. I had jobs in my early twenties based off of my looks. I had three accidents in my life that have rendered me disabled. I have gained a hundred pounds since my youth due to my injuries and steroid treatments. I can not tell you how hurtful it is when you become invisible to people because you are not what society deems beautiful anymore.  I have been on this journey for a while now. Those of you who follow me know my story well. For those of you just reading this you will learn something about me today.

I do not know why it is so hard for people to look past a person’s weight to see who they really are. Popularity is overrated. I would rather be known by a handful of people who care about me for who I am than by hundreds who only like me because of the way I look. Being on both ends of the spectrum I can tell you I have learned a lot in my life. When I look at a man I try to see him for who he is no matter what his weight is. I like a well-kept man. I find that appealing. What will turn me off about any man physically fit or not is how they treat people. If you have to put someone else down to build yourself up than you are not the type of person I want to get to know. I have dated men of all sizes. I do not see people by their weight. I see them for who they are. Trying to find someone to see me for who I am has been a challenge.

I have so far lost around thirty-five pounds or so. My body is starting to actually take a shape other than round. I am getting noticed by people who passed me over years ago. I was not appealing to them years ago physically. I have not changed as a person on the inside. It is only the outside that has changed and continues to change. I have remained single since  2013. I find it very difficult to find someone to love me for who I am not for what they want me to be. As I lose the weight I know people will treat me different as they have been. I even had a little more respect from the last train ride I took a while ago. Prior to that I had actually stopped taking the train because I was on more than two occasions bullied and mistreated by train staff. I had one guy look at me and say “why can’t you climb those stairs you look fine”. Needless to say he did not know what was going on inside my body with my discs and bones. To him I was just fat and lazy. I will never forget the way he treated me. When I did get back on the train I had lost weight and dressed upscale. I was treated like a queen. Why? Why did they treat me different? Why is a fat person treated different from anyone else? Those are questions I will always be asking.

As I sit here and write this I think back on how many times I came across other people. I am thankful I was not ever the type of person to look down upon someone for their looks. I remember I was overlooked at a function by men who were all too happy to run from a simple hello that came from a fat girl. Years later I was acknowledged but they did not remember the way they treated me. I remembered every one of them and how they acted. I always say a fat person can lose weight. Personalities on the other hand either you have one or you don’t. Be cautious with how you treat someone. You never know where they are going in life and you might just pass up one of the most wonderful people you could possibly get to know by not putting your superficial judgment aside.

Time is something we all have on our hands. It is what we do with that time that matters. Do not waste your time wondering or worrying about what someone may think of you. I have allowed that to take up way too much of my time. I am staying focused on my weight loss. I hope to accomplish a hundred pound loss by the end of next year. I am giving myself a realistic time frame. It took years to put the weight on so it will take years to get it off. I find listening to my favorite music helps get me motivated. I changed what I watch too as the commercials are geared towards a certain audience. If I watch shows about food then there will be commercials about food. That always makes me hungry.

When was the last time you decided to say hello to the fat person in your office or on public transportation? Fat people are just that, people. We have feelings and hurt just the same. We are intelligent, funny, witty and sexy too. I know my journey to find that special someone who sees me for me and no other reason will be a long one. I do not mind being alone, it gives me time to focus on things I would normally put last on my list of things to do. I have found a great opportunity to write,blog,vent. Thank you, all of you who have been with me through my journey thus far. From the bottom of my heart, all of you mean the world to me. Stay with me. As the years go by I will be telling my story time and time again with hopes that I can encourage someone. Never give up, never give in no matter what. One day I hope to write about a man I met along the way who actually fell in love with me for who I am.

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