OBSESSION OR DEDICATION?

When we look at people who body build,work out and keep a fit lifestyle we sometimes think they are absolutely obsessed with the gym,protein shakes,supplements and the food they eat. I started on my own weight loss journey. I didn’t realize how dedicated you really have to be to yourself if you want to move forward in the physical fitness world and actually accomplish your goals. I started at 245lbs. I went down to 204lbs..I fluctuate every month 10-15 pounds up and down in weight. A lot of that has to do with the fact I am a woman and well we bloat once a month..need I say more? I had to stop myself and really review what I am doing to make myself better or worse. I have to take into accord all the calories and fat I have per meal. It is a daunting task but this is what needs to be done to better balance my body. I am looking for a dietitian at the moment. Going to see my doctor soon. Had an issue with my insurance and had to get a different one so I am not sure yet if they will cover a dietitian or if I have to pay out-of-pocket for one. I take count of every ounce of fat contained in a meal to how much protein is given per serving. I noticed if my body has less than 60 grams of protein a day I am left feeling hungry. I have to get creative on how I get my protein. I was making breakfast and thought to myself how much calories are in an everything bagel compared to a slice of butter bread..both basically worthless in value but needed for the carbs as I can not let my sugar levels drop too low or I get very sick. I read the labels..the bagels were 240 calories or so per bagel and one piece of butter bread was 60 calories. I basically chose the lesser of the two evils.  I made myself an egg sandwich for breakfast. Trying to figure out what is a high protein breakfast has been very hard for me. I was reading and came across a page where it says calculate what you need for calories with your weight. I used the calculator and it said over 2k, my jaw dropped. I can’t even expend 2k worth of calories a day in exercise how am I suppose to consume that and not gain weight? This has truly been confusing.

As I learn,read and grow I am making better meal choices. I wanted to go vegan but that has not been working out too well as I am not educated enough in the types of vegan foods and recipes that are low in carbs and high protein. I am finding a better balance everyday. I have been working on my physical exercise routines the best I can when I can move. Unfortunately my condition renders me with a lack of movement or no movement and bed bound at times. I have been doing a squat challenge. I keep trying never able to get past the first week. My neck issues me so much pain I end up with severe headaches and vomit. It is horrible. I try to stay focused. The days I do accomplish the squats I learn more about my muscles as they hurt like hell and let me know where each of them are. I know now why men walk the way they do at the gym. Feels like you have been bare back riding for hours. I have been using different protein supplements as I go. You really have to show some serious dedication or you will not get anywhere. The time this consumes daily is a great portion of the day. Wake up drink water check on my teenager see if he needs anything do stretches review morning business like the social media pages I run,emails and respond to text messages or phone calls during the morning all the while having to balance what to eat when to eat then wait three hours after a meal to exercise then wait 30 minutes after that to consume a protein shake and then continue with your day as most of us have families and animals to tend to.  Dishes,laundry work,lunch,shakes all this has to have a balance. Trying to find balance in this chaos is not easy to say the least.  We have a magnitude of things to do in a day so how do we micro manage everything if we do not have a set schedule or plan. I mostly wing it no matter how well I plan something it all depends on if I can move or not. No matter how well laid out my plans for the day is I am always ready to improvise all the while trying to maintain focus on what I am doing with my caloric intake and output.

I have this desire to look a certain way. I am left with lots of doubt as I come across negative people who fat shame and do nothing more than be a ball of negative energy. Trying to work through the emotional pain along with the physical has definitely been all but a piece of cake. As I age my body reminds me I am not a spring chicken anymore. What I use to be able to do is a distant memory now. I have to stay focused if I want to reach my goals. I deal with a lot of good,bad and down right scary people on a daily basis. Social media has become a stalkers paradise. This has kept me busy fending off quit a few people. I ended up having to take measures to lock down my personal page and only make it to where people can contact me on my main pages. All this to try to get my story out to see if I can encourage others like me who are on that self finding journey. To be one with oneself. The next time you think someone is spending too much time at the gym or on themselves try to understand in order for them to look the way they want they have to be dedicated to a lifestyle that bring results of what it is they set forth to accomplish. Just remember there is a major difference between obsession or dedication.

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