Where the hell do I begin?. Let’s start with I am so very sorry to all the people in my life that had to deal with my stupid ass and my dysfunctional relationship with my husband in the past. I have been trying to be a good friend and listen to my girlfriends tell me about their dysfunctional relationships while they ask me for advise. Only one out of three actually listened and has a healthier relationship with her boyfriend whom she has been with for years. They are communicating properly with each other and not holding any emotions they may have bottled up inside. They are communicating to each other how the actions of one makes the other feel and they work through their problems together as a team. My other two friends are not so fortunate. One I lost touch with. She was the one who left a perfectly good man who never abused her to be with a married man who beats her. Sometimes I wonder if we women and men are gluten’s for masochistic relationships. Maybe she gets a sense of gratification if she feels she was able to “tough” it out with the guy..I can not even call him a man he is a… ( insert a crap ton of curse words here) and she is stupid beyond belief as I was many years ago. Been there done that and burnt the damn T-Shirt. That said she is a lost cause to me. I am sure you remember the married couple I spoke of before where the husband hits the wife. Upon further communication and questioning it seems she (my friend,the wife) hits him just as much as he hits her. Can I even call her a woman?..No I can not. A woman is supposed to be loving and nurturing not violent. To top things off the husbands grandmother who has dementia is violent but she is the only one with an excuse as she has a medical condition that alters her behavior. (She should be in a nursing home in my opinion). The other two have no excuse. I get the most ridiculous text messages and phone calls. This is why I am so very sorry for my own stupidity over 12 years ago. Now I know how it feels to be on the other end of hearing what someone you care about is going through and wondering why they stick around for it. My friend messages me and says how her husband and his grandmother “did it again”. When I ask her why the hell she even bothered calling the cops for their domestic dispute she told me that the grandmother was going to call first. This is some backwoods Jerry Springer sh*t right here. I am astonished that they can not see things will never change because they keep doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. Every time I tell her to get a divorce and move on she flips the script and defends her husbands actions placing full blame on his grandmother. The last time I checked humans did not possess Jedi powers to make another person do anything.
We have to stop placing blame on others and start taking responsibility for our own actions. The fact when given proper advice we fail ourselves by not seeking a mental health professional to help us with our problems before we can point the finger and try to blame others for theirs. Here it is folks. The average of domestic violence calls made to law enforcement are 90% reconciled while only 10% of the situations/people, actually never have anything to do with each other again. What does this mean for law enforcement? The same thing it mans to those of us caught in the middle of dysfunctional people. Repeat phone calls,repeat incidences,repeat violence,repeat couples, keyword…REPEAT. So how do we break the cycle? Start with ourselves. I don’t know about any of you but I get sick of hearing the same thing over and over again. My poor mother, I put her through such hell when I was in my early 20’s. Now that I am almost 40,I can see clearly what I did wrong and refuse to do the same things over again. I came a long way in my life so how do I help others get further in theirs?
Let’s start with the word STOP. I am very serious. Right now STOP what you are doing and listen. If you are in a violent relationship you have to ask yourself, why? Are you the abuser? Are you the one getting abused? Do you feel there is no other alternative to your situation? Let me advise you that you are most certainly not the first, the only or the last person on the face of this planet that is currently in this situation. What can you do to better your situation? Are children involved? Have you thought of the psychological effect this will have on your children or have you been too self absorbed and wrapped up in your own emotions to even notice what this is doing and teaching your children? I do not care where you are in the world. You always have a choice. You can either choose to continue the cycle of abuse or you can choose to break it. This is only a decision YOU can make. When is enough, enough? When is it that you can clearly say to yourself you deserve better that you are not worthless that other people will want to be with you and you do not have to settle for what is right now if you are the one being abused?
What if you are the abuser with words as sharp as a knife or hands as hard as a rock? What can you do to control your anger and stop hurting the ones you love? Do you have an addiction problem? Is there drugs,alcohol,medication involved in your behavior not being that of a normal individual? Do you need to seek help and just don’t know how? Do you want to be a better person and stop hurting everyone and yourself? That choice is clearly up to you as well. Do you know where to start? I will help you. The first step is to STOP. Remember that, STOP. Think about ways to better handle your situation. Do not raise your voice or hands. Do not use words of discouragement. Mental abuse is still abuse. If you are calling your spouse,children, friends, family members and or co workers names and use abusive words with hostility it is time to change how you react to things. Seek help for yourself. It is alright to say “Hey I have a problem and I want to fix myself”. It is alright to admit you can not control your temper. It is alright to say “I am hurting inside and I do not know how to express myself”. I am going to help you right now. Right this second and give you a chance at making yourself a better person not just for you but also for those who love you. Here is a link to a site called “Love Is Respect”. This site has programs and people you can speak with to assist you in overcoming what it is that may be making you feel the need to lash out at others or hurt the ones you love. I will also give you a link if you are in the U.K. It is called “Hidden Hurt”. It is all private no one needs to know you have taken on your inner demons and started fighting them back instead of those who love you. Fight for yourself. Fight for your sanity. Fight for the right to be the most incredible loving person I know you can be. You are with me now. I am with you. We are together and together we will get you through this. I am your silent voice that is going to speak louder than any emotion you have to tell you that you can do this. You can stop the cycle of abuse. You can break the chains. You can free yourself and never hurt anyone again. I believe in you. Click the link. That is all it takes is one simple click to bring yourself to a new world of love and support you have been needing for so long. My verbal arms are wrapped around you every step of the way. I know deep down inside that hurt, is the most magnificent being this world has yet to see. Take this time for yourself. Click the links. I will provide a few for you. This is our secret. You never have to tell anyone anything just show them you are getting better with this first step. Here you go. You can do it. Do not be afraid to free yourself. I am here with you. Click the links or copy and paste in your browser. You got this.
For those of us who have been in relationships that we are the ones on the receiving end of the abuse we can also get help for ourselves. The first step is the same one. STOP. Stop doing the same thing over and over again. Nothing will change unless you change you. Unless you decide you want to do something for yourself,family,friends and children. You will never see the end to your situation unless you do something about it. You need to remember your situation will only continue if you yourself allow it to. Get help for yourself and know that you are not alone either. There are always more than one side to a story. What can you do to help yourself? You can get help for yourself for starters. Seek counseling and if you are in an absolute life threatening situation break the chains and get away first. Find a safe place. If you have nowhere to go please get to the nearest police station and request assistance. They will help you get to safety even if you have children. Do not be afraid anymore. Help me,help you. Stop what you are doing and start changing things right now. If you have to plan a get away do it. Make sure you use cash and not a bank card. Do not leave a paper trail. You need time to heal yourself and if you have children they need time too. Your children may have to miss school for a day or two. After you get away you can also place safety restrictions on your abuser. You can start with a restraining order. I do caution you however. If you place a restraining order as a way to “get back” at someone then communicate with them you are in turn in violation of your own restraining order and can be legally liable for any legal recourse your actions will make. This is not a game. If you only are doing this to “teach” your partner or spouse a lesson then you are the one who needs to be taught that you are the one one who may just be the cause of your own problems. Evaluate yourself and your situation. Take responsibility for your own actions.You have to fix yourself before you can try to fix someone else. You are just as broken as the person you are with just in a different way. Here is a link for you. Click it. I know you can do better and be better. This is a link to the “National Domestic Abuse Hotline” and site in America. Click the link and scroll through their site. It is very informative and you will benefit from being able to speak with someone who can guide you in the right direction for a better life. For those in the U.K. I am also posting a link for “The National Domestic Abuse Hotline” and site in the U.K.. There is no reason from this moment on that you have to be in the situation you are in. There are people who can help you make your situation better. Take this first step for yourself and those who love you. Click the link and take your time to see what best suites your current situation. Take it from me. It’s o.k. to be broken. It’s o.k. to hurt. It’s o.k. to cry and it’s o.k. to get help for the way you feel. I am right here with you too. I am not going anywhere. I am your inner voice that is going to speak louder than your inner emotions. You are stronger than you think. Go on click the link. A better more happy future is at your fingertips.
The choice is yours. Let it all out. No matter if you are the abuser or the one getting abused there is a better way and life for each of you. Remember this, I love each of you. I love every broken bit of you. Never forget that. Someone loves you. Someone is willing to tell you things will be alright and show you the way to it. Let it all out in one deep breath and realize how human you really are. Cry, it’s alright to be human.